Posted this as a response to this
post on the st_xi_kink
meme and I figured I'd posted it here too because I fail at figuring how this stuff and don't know how to just link my fic and not the entire thread...The Blue Ball
“So how does this thing work?” asked Kirk, holding the shiny blue orb Scotty had handed him.
Scotty grinned, “Well, thanks to my genius, I was able to find a way for the orb to analyze the brainwaves of its audience and play music according to whoever is closest to it, which is why when you hold the orb it plays ‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails.”
“Why is the music so old?” asked Bones, waving his hand as a ‘no’ when Kirk tried to hand it to him. He didn’t want his thoughts projected in music form to the entire mess hall with the entire bridge crew sitting at the table with him.
“I made it out of some old music player we found in the time capsule floating in space a while ago so all of the music is like 300 years old.”
“A fascinating invention, Mr. Scott,” said Spock, “yet I fail to see a practical application.”
Kirk smirked and rolled to ball over to Sulu and mouthed, ‘Give it to Chekov.’
Pavel Andreivich Chekov was so enraptured by what Sulu was saying, he didn’t really notice when Sulu asked him to hold the small blue ball Scotty was bragging about and the music that was playing changed.
“So this guy is HUGE, eight feet tall, 500 pounds, and he came at me with this giant club right?” Sulu said, retelling a story from his latest mission.I love myself I want you to love me / When I feel down I want you above me
“And I jump out of the way when this crazy chick covered in white hair from head to toe starts yelling, “No, Billy, you can’t kill him, I love him!” I search myself I want you to find me / I forget myself I want you to remind me
“So I’m like, wait is she talking about me? And then Kirk
is all like… Um, Chekov? What’s the deal with the music buddy?”
Pavel flushed bright red as the chorus started playing.I don’t want anybody else /When I think about you I touch myself /Ooh I don’t want anybody else oh no, oh no, oh no
Everyone was looking at them, laughing behind their hands as Pavel dropped the ball and his eyes grew wide.
“Um, excuse me,” he said and bolted out of the mess hall.
Sulu turned to Scotty, a giant grin on his face, “So you think he seriously thinks about me when he jacks off? Cuz I’m am so
cool with that.”
Kirk smirked at Spock, “See, Spock, it has wonderfully practical uses.”